Religious existentialism miss spelled

Well I have stumbled upon a way of thinking that I am told (by a Mr. Francis Schaeffer) will end in totall depression, pessimism and despair. It has been pointed out to me before. (And subtly by Elizabeth). I have discovered I have the rather Kierkagaardian tendency to seperate faith and reason. Non-reason equals faith and an optimistic view point (doug you also pointed this out before, but I didn't fully understand). Pure reason will result (eventually) into Nihilism? Isn't there a place for reason beyond that? I believe so. But there are problems. Big ones. Is it unreasonable to trust and be optimistic anyway? My Problem is i seperate them. My former problem was I depended to much on reason. AM I NOW LEANING THE OTHER WAY! DAMMIT SCHAEFFER. Is God Rational. Sure. Is God Real? most definately. But my problem is can I reach him rationally or am I just being optimistic?! I do believe. No doubt. (although it is fun to doubt.) OK.. lets try this:

That which I believe is, is what I want and I want God?

.....that didn't make sense....and in that system I am putting myself above God. I am a Created being...BUT I FREAKING ASSUME THAT....damn.... ok now I may just be rambling. Sleep is the thing. I need much more of it. I should sleep.

P.S. I have made my triumphal return to blogging.
P.S.S. Sorry liz for the cuss words. they were needed to express my existential frustration....(what a cliche'd word) (irony abounds)