upon discovering your girlfriend has a twin

I have just stumbled upon an amazing and slightly disturbing discovery. My girlfriend has a twin. Not like an evil twin, but one that is almost exactly the same as her, even in personality (aka MIND TWIN!!), which may be worse because they conive and plot together. My suspicions were started when I would see her at one point in the day and she would be wearing one outfit and then I would see her later that night and she would be wearing a totally different one. She also changes her mind about stuff all the time. And also I believe this is why I think I tell her somthing and she says I didn't really tell her which I just accepted as me having poor communitcation skills which appearently is just simple not true, ITS THE TWIN!(now thats just mean makeing me think that about myself) I confronted her about it and she said yes I caught them...very sneaky liz and....liz 2, but the jig is up. I have exposed your plot to take over the world via ....twin..dom......So what do you do when you discover your girlfriend has a twin? Ask them to go out with you both at the same time, cause seriously then you would totally look like the biggest stud known to man......

umm you figure it out its a mystery!

mike77patton: send the whole thing even the part about, you having to send it to me ok?
ArtDent3: This is proving to be a problem, just a sec
mike77patton: you might have to send it in small chunks
ArtDent3: the message apparently is too big
mike77patton: yeah i just thought of that
ArtDent3: mike77patton: hey man
mike77patton: i need a blogging topic
ArtDent3: sup
ArtDent3: hmmmm
ArtDent3: cafeteria food?
mike77patton: eh
mike77patton: i could go battle the chicken ducks and then go write about that
ArtDent3: hahahahaa
ArtDent3: it would be a grand battle and an epic story
mike77patton: on the other hand i dont feel like getting arrested for animal cruelty today
ArtDent3: sounds too forced though
ArtDent3: lol
ArtDent3: you could write about the lack of topics
mike77patton: yeah i suppose
mike77patton: thats just boring though
ArtDent3: tru
mike77patton: oh well
ArtDent3: i myself have hit a slump of writting
mike77patton: ill figure somthin out i guess
mike77patton: my phones ringing but im not gonna answer it though
ArtDent3: lol
mike77patton: its just my roomates girlfriend
mike77patton: she is the only one who ever calls my room
ArtDent3: you could write about that: how you never get phone calls
mike77patton: ah true but only semi true i do get phone call quite often but they are just on my cell
ArtDent3: or you could write about how your not going to apologize for not updating your blog in a month
mike77patton: i suppose. has it been a month?
ArtDent3: 16 days
mike77patton: wow
ArtDent3: so no not even close, but its like 2 weeks
mike77patton: still long time
ArtDent3: ya
mike77patton: i thought it was like one week, maybe i could just publish this conversation as my triumphal return to blogging
ArtDent3: mike77patton: its made me laugh
ArtDent3: hahaha could be, it might just work or fail depending on how you look at it
mike77patton: IM DOING IT!!!!
ArtDent3: lol nice
mike77patton: hmm enternet explorer isnt coming up, this could cause problems
ArtDent3: it does throw a wrench in your hastily constructed plan thats for sure
ArtDent3: i'm lost
mike77patton: ...ok abort mike77patton: ...it was a nice plan...
mike77patton: it mostly works
ArtDent3: i've so lost my place
ArtDent3: its like a mirror reflection cept i dont know where it starts or begins
ArtDent3: kinda like memento without the killing
mike77patton: whoa
mike77patton: heavy

Message to my future self

It has been brought to my attention that I should be carefull about what I post on this site because it will be here forever and could be incriminating to me in the future, especially since I have political ambition. This is good advice I suppose, however looking back on my blog the most incriminating things people will see is that I'm not an animal rights activist ( ei I hate chicken ducks) and I'm a nerd (I like star trek). But it did give me an idea! I COULD SEND MESSAGES TO MYSELF IN THE FUTURE!!!! SO I've thought long and hard about what I want to tell my future self and here it is :

So your prolly a lawyer by now (I am assuming your around thirty) so I think its time you took the earing out. Seriously you look ridiculous and your kids will make fun of you if they are old enough they prolly aren't though. By the way, good job on marrying liz you made a good choice and name one of your kids Jackson Smith no matter what liz says (she isnt that boss of you,...well maybe not of me yet, but of you I guess so, but she's gorgeously hot so we don't mind). Make sure that you still like family guy and the simpsons. Make liz watch some episodes everyday. And if she doesn't tell her that you watched an endless amount of friends episodes when you were 19 so she owes you.....And if its not to much to ask have lots of sex for me dude cause I can't yet.

concerning modest mouse

Shall mice be that thing which brings forth modesty in elephants? - not deep thought by mike patton

concerning chicken ducks

Imagine a chicken. Make its bill slightly longer and its head slightly bigger. Make that chicken slightly longer. Now give the chicken a really butt ugle head which is wight speckled with black and feathers flayling in every directions like a lions main. And still further make the chickens feat webed but it still has the claws. Now make that hideous beast fearless. Once you imagine all these things you will have a good idea what is plaguing my romantic walks with my girlfriend. Yes, Chicken ducks. They are straight from hell. I'm fairly certain the retirement home near the pond where the chicken ducks dwell has been breading them in order to scare some of the old people to death so that they have more space. (thats pretty terrible I know, but a creature this grotesque has to be bread for some evil purpous). Every time Liz and I walk by this pond we usually sit and share a genuinly romantic moment together, but not since the chicken ducks came. These Chicken ducks will fly up right onto this wooden deck about a foot from my face where we are sitting. Then it starts its evil purpous of trying to scare me to death by peering deep into my eyes with its lifeless cold red eyes(however I am not old and I don't die, but I do feel an icy cold feeling deep in my soul that must be part of me dieing). So I feel we must leave and take our romantic gettaway elsewhere. But then it flys and sits in the middle of the sidewalk directly in our way. So there I am facing down a demon straight from hell. I knew it was him or me. So I ran straight for it. There on the chill afternoon I ran full force all 230 pounds 6'5" of me ready to crush the evil of this chicken duck. But it didn't move just calmly and coldly stared with an deadly smirk like it knew if I struck it down he would become more powerfull then I could ever imagine (shameless star wars reference). So a foot before these two cosmic forces colided I stopped...THE CHICKEN DUCK HAD CALLED MY BLUFF. Never play chicken with a chicken duck. So I looked more moronic then I ever had before in my life (and thats saying alot) the chicken duck had won. So I possitioned myself between the chicken duck and liz and walked around with my head held low and the stench of shame in my nostrils (although it prolly was just the chicken duck). The chicken duck knew he had beaten me. He clucked with pride. but deep down I think he knew, like all evil villians know, I would eventually win.......

Poetry and Lattes

I am fond of coffee shops in which poetry is read and strange art is on the walls. Edmond Oklahoma is a place where such coffee shops do not exist. It is a place of starbucks and a place of wal-marts (we have 4). Lawrence Kansas is a place where Coffee shops of character exist on every street corner. Yet I feel out of place when I walk up and down mass street. As if the man playing the saxiphone on the corner and looking at me as if I'm a fraud. I am a Wal-mart person. Poems with fists scare me. I am a child of suburbia. Poetry and lattes are edgy (for me). I am not edgy. I could not survive in a concrete jungle with skyscrapers that block out the warm sun. Yet I am not a country boy either who was tempered with hard labor growing up. No, I am resigned to live in Topeka, a place that I love. A place I am prince of. I could become a succeful lawyer in Edmond, but why? Topeka has more character anyway. (it does have those "city of character" billboards which we all love so much that urge us to be better people).................hows that for some vain introspection.